This was asked by a member on Quora..
I answered as honestly as I could, with my found knowledge through reading and my experiences with my ex NPD
“Hey, I would like to share my site with you which covers your question. Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse
Being isolated after the relationship is your safe zone. You were actually isolated by your Narc. Through ways that you wouldn’t have noticed. Once the person has gone, you end up remaining stuck in that place as it’s what you became used to.
The reason why the Narc becomes the one to comfort you even though they abused you is because of the trauma bonding during the relationship.
They cheat, lie, manipulate, provoke reactions, they create illusions, dramas, they control you – almost like programming mind control. They can publicly humiliate you, they smear campaign against you, triangulate you with a third person or even an object to bring out jealousy, they hook you and isolate you. They intimidate, threaten and subject you to Narcissistic rages when they feel they are losing control.
The only way to really heal from all the above, the codependency, addiction, stockholm syndrome, the pain and hurt you suffered during your entire entanglement, the broken trust, dismantled self esteem and the apparent driven down into the ground confidence, the ability to trust your own thoughts and instincts, is to go no contact.
Dont even bother looking for closure. You will not get it from him or her. They may even future fake as a hoovering tactic to suck you back into the relationship. Once they realise you are hooked, the abuse through devaluation will begin again, a lot more quicker than the first time round. Find your answers through reading. Keep reading and then read some more. This is where you will find your closure.
Knowledge is key.
Good luck on finding your freedom. But stick to No Contact. You won’t look back, as hard as it is – your old self will thank you for it!”